It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
