So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
