perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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