she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
