i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I could fuck to npr.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
