Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize