Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
