That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
