please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
