dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
