at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This baby is an asshole
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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