GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
