How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize