We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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