i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
