Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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