I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
