He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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