Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
