it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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