my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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