How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
