Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
