You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
