I looked at my own cervix.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize