Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
