none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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