a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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