I seem to have left my pride at pride
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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