Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
