I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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