omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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