at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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