Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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