so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
