I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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