Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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