I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
3pm strippers are depressing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
