I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
