She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
