I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize