girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
