PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
