strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
