What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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