I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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