I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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