You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
