You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
