We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
