Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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