We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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