My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
