worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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