I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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