Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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