Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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