So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize