i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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