I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize