So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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