I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
