Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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