Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
