This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
