I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
