My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i barfeds in our rink
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
