i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How external is "for external use only"?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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