I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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