My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
