If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
