i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
