I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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