Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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