Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
