Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
